I was told that most the cases that happened around the time our case was in the system have been overturned because some of the people on the cases were found to be incompetent and if I learned which these incompetent people were and found they were on our case I could win you girls back.
Don't get me wrong here I do want more than anything for you to come home to me, but you are established and to move you girls again I am not sure would be the right thing for you girls. So I am kinda torn on do I pursue this and possibly get you girls back and get money for the damage done to us as a family that was torn apart for no reason outside of false rumors.
There is not one single day I do not think of you girls and I ache so hard to hold you again. I am so sorry I failed the system and lost you. I know in 2 years Rowsheall can come find me and in 3 years Katelyn can come find me..and for me to just open this up and get you girls back for your last 2-3 years of childhood...I just don't know that I see the benefit of that. At the same time I lost so many years prior and it would give me 2-3 years to catch up on those 13 years we lost because of a system built to destroy single mothers lives who they deemed unfit because they were single and didn't have a significant other but had a grandmother who your mom was taking care of...anyways...I am just going back and forth on the fence with this whole thought of getting you back or not...of course the incompetent may not have been on our case and it would be a waste of time and hope and excitement but hey worth a shot...I think next time I get the chance I will go downtown to the court house and look at the public records and see. Wish I had known this quite a few years ago like when the incompetent were found incompetent. Why didn't they notify me? smh. anyways.
I love you girls so very much I hope to hold you again soon!
Sincerely,
your loving birth mother
Rabeka Jo (F) D (dob 05-80)
Wednesday, November 18, 2015
Sunday, August 16, 2015
I figured up how long it has been since we last seen eachother
Dear Both Girls,
It has been 12 years 11 months and 18 days since I last seen you girls. That is 4,735 days or 113,644 hours.
I have 1 year 7 months and 12 days until Rowsheall is 18 years old!
I have 2 years 11 months and 29 days until Katelyn is 18 years old!
I am in the home stretch for you girls to come home to me and I will hold you and kiss you and hug you and never want to let you go again! I am so excited!
Anyways I am so excited! I had to share my excitement!
Sincerely,
Your loving and eager birth mother,
Rabeka Jo (F) D
dob 5-1980
It has been 12 years 11 months and 18 days since I last seen you girls. That is 4,735 days or 113,644 hours.
I have 1 year 7 months and 12 days until Rowsheall is 18 years old!
I have 2 years 11 months and 29 days until Katelyn is 18 years old!
I am in the home stretch for you girls to come home to me and I will hold you and kiss you and hug you and never want to let you go again! I am so excited!
Anyways I am so excited! I had to share my excitement!
Sincerely,
Your loving and eager birth mother,
Rabeka Jo (F) D
dob 5-1980
Happy Birthday Katelyn! You are 15 yay 3 more years until you can come find me!
Hey baby girl yes I am a day late but doesn't mean I didn't think of you all day yesterday which I did, I just didn't have the time to jot you a note on here, its been chaotic around here with school getting ready to start and us trying to get our other house rented so hopefully in the end it can be purchased and we can be done with the whole renting scene as we are totally done with that. Anyways. I hope your day was most special of all and continues to get better over the many years to come. I love you and your sister so very much it hurts so bad that I cannot touch you and hold you and wish you a Happy birthday in person. My heart aches to hear your voice and see your faces, we are getting closer to your 18th birthdays and I can hardly wait! I hope you do seek me out. I hope you find this blog and know that not one single day went by that I did not think of you I just don't want to overwhelm you with so many posts you can't possibly catch up with so I limited myself over the years as to how much I posted so not to overwhelm you when you do read it.
Wow 15 years old...I remember when I was 15. I really hope your 15 looks very much different than mine as I hope you aren't making some of the mistakes I made at that age and continued to make until I wised up and learned the hard way that my mom (your grandma Sally) was right about everything and I should of minded her all those years I was rebelling her ruling over my life. I sincerely hope you are a good girl and mind your parents. I also hope you are respectful of yourself and others.
I love you both so very much be sure to tell your sister that for me. I really do miss you girls so very much...I want to post videos of you girls on youtube during our visits with Jacqueline Perry the social worker who chomped her gum annoyingly throughout them and scribbled down on her pad of paper when things weren't going too smoothly and then sat there watching as everything was nice and calm and going great...focusing only on the negatives during our visits. and conveniently you girls needed naps so we had a lot of fun during our visits and she had tons of notes to share with court about how bad of a mother I was. I needed guidance and all I got was them making me look bad in court and not conserving my family unit because it was broken because I didn't have a husband and house of my own I had a mother and a sister and we all supported each other and it would of worked...but the grass was greener on the other side of the fence with a stable married couple with lots of money to spare...so you could be spoiled and could have everything you could ever wish to have. I hope that is what happened at least...since it was so much better where you were going verses where you were coming from.
Anyway, I hope you had a great day sweetheart and your dad Kenneth Raymond Fairchild wished you a happy birthday on my facebook. I will keep in contact with him so you can get in touch with him when you come to me. I love you so very much and he does too...and I am sorry I didn't have any idea that you could of been his...and I am sorry the system didn't tell me that dna testing said you were not Bruce Hetzel's daughter. They failed your real dad tremendously by not saying so and allowing me to get in touch with him so he could try to get you since I wasn't going to get you...but they were telling me I was getting you girls back the entire time saying I had everything done and then in court said I refused to do a number of court ordered classes or treatments or whatever it was and they said I was fine then in court said I was faking good on my psych eval...smh...I just can't get over how they railroaded me and your grandmother. I hate that fact that I gave my all and it wasn't good enough or fast enough for the courts to give me you girls back...I need to get the address to write to you girls so it can go into your file...I figure I will write and then link this blog in it so you can read all the posts here...I am just so scared I don't know why but I am working on it with my counselor...I think its the fact that I can never go back and edit anything I say in those letters that I send and I am afraid that what I say may or may not make you want to come find me and I don't want to mess up any of that possibility since there maybe just a small curiosity there to begin with and then my letter may totally throw the small bit out of the water and you won't come find me for many years. I cannot hardly wait until you are 18 and I hope and pray you do seek me out. I really really miss you girls so bad it hurts...I cannot go much longer than that for you to come see me...I want to hold you so bad and I can't...it hurts so bad!
Anyway I will talk to you later I cannot see the screen now as I am crying.
I love you both so very much and miss you so very much!
Sincerely,
Your loving birth mother,
Rabeka Jo (F) D
dob: 5-1980
Wow 15 years old...I remember when I was 15. I really hope your 15 looks very much different than mine as I hope you aren't making some of the mistakes I made at that age and continued to make until I wised up and learned the hard way that my mom (your grandma Sally) was right about everything and I should of minded her all those years I was rebelling her ruling over my life. I sincerely hope you are a good girl and mind your parents. I also hope you are respectful of yourself and others.
I love you both so very much be sure to tell your sister that for me. I really do miss you girls so very much...I want to post videos of you girls on youtube during our visits with Jacqueline Perry the social worker who chomped her gum annoyingly throughout them and scribbled down on her pad of paper when things weren't going too smoothly and then sat there watching as everything was nice and calm and going great...focusing only on the negatives during our visits. and conveniently you girls needed naps so we had a lot of fun during our visits and she had tons of notes to share with court about how bad of a mother I was. I needed guidance and all I got was them making me look bad in court and not conserving my family unit because it was broken because I didn't have a husband and house of my own I had a mother and a sister and we all supported each other and it would of worked...but the grass was greener on the other side of the fence with a stable married couple with lots of money to spare...so you could be spoiled and could have everything you could ever wish to have. I hope that is what happened at least...since it was so much better where you were going verses where you were coming from.
Anyway, I hope you had a great day sweetheart and your dad Kenneth Raymond Fairchild wished you a happy birthday on my facebook. I will keep in contact with him so you can get in touch with him when you come to me. I love you so very much and he does too...and I am sorry I didn't have any idea that you could of been his...and I am sorry the system didn't tell me that dna testing said you were not Bruce Hetzel's daughter. They failed your real dad tremendously by not saying so and allowing me to get in touch with him so he could try to get you since I wasn't going to get you...but they were telling me I was getting you girls back the entire time saying I had everything done and then in court said I refused to do a number of court ordered classes or treatments or whatever it was and they said I was fine then in court said I was faking good on my psych eval...smh...I just can't get over how they railroaded me and your grandmother. I hate that fact that I gave my all and it wasn't good enough or fast enough for the courts to give me you girls back...I need to get the address to write to you girls so it can go into your file...I figure I will write and then link this blog in it so you can read all the posts here...I am just so scared I don't know why but I am working on it with my counselor...I think its the fact that I can never go back and edit anything I say in those letters that I send and I am afraid that what I say may or may not make you want to come find me and I don't want to mess up any of that possibility since there maybe just a small curiosity there to begin with and then my letter may totally throw the small bit out of the water and you won't come find me for many years. I cannot hardly wait until you are 18 and I hope and pray you do seek me out. I really really miss you girls so bad it hurts...I cannot go much longer than that for you to come see me...I want to hold you so bad and I can't...it hurts so bad!
Anyway I will talk to you later I cannot see the screen now as I am crying.
I love you both so very much and miss you so very much!
Sincerely,
Your loving birth mother,
Rabeka Jo (F) D
dob: 5-1980
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
To both girls
Dear Rowsheall and Katelyn,
Sorry I haven't written in awhile, but lately your brother Dylan has been being quite the drama king and wanting to permanently get rid of a temporary problem. And I've been very discouraged on doing anything. Awhile back I scratched on my wrist to release frustration but it didn't help like I believed it did many years ago when I did it regularly, so I won't be doing that again. I almost ended up divorced because of it, my husband doesn't understand it wasn't an attack on him, nor an attempt to leave him. Anyway. I'm back in counseling, though I think we need marriage and family counseling, so does my counselor...anyway I wanted to drop a note, to let you both know I still think of you every single day multiple times a day, I love you so very much and I really wish I could see you via picture. And I'm sorry I haven't sent anything to your file...I want to be able to edit my things I say to you...like I can here on the blog (even though I haven't edited this blog accept for misspellings and jumble words I come across when I read it). Anyway.
I'm going to my counselor now
Talk to you later
Love you and miss you bunches!
Sincerely,
Your loving birth mother,
Rabeka Jo (F) D
Friday, April 03, 2015
Happy birthday Rowsheall
I thought of you all month...I missed River Lyrics birthday too. I'm sorry, I feel as if I'm a broken record in my messages so I've been discouraged from writing and I'm sorry...I do love you and your sister Katelyn so much, I think of you both very often...and its hard for me. I finally found the info to send a letter requesting pictures of you girls. I'm just going to do it...if rejected I guess life will have no other choice but to move on. Hope it doesn't hurt so bad.
Hope it will be granted...I can't stand and haven't been able to stand not being able to see you grown through the years.
Anyway happy birthday sweet baby I hope it was best and you got everything you wanted xoxo. I miss you. I will talk more later...
Sincerely,
Rabeka Jo (F) D
Your loving birth mother awaiting your return home to my loving arms xoxo
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