Just to have these names on my blog somewhere

So if you google your current names Rochelle and Katie hopefully this will show up and you can look through other posts to find out this is about you from me your loving birth mother waiting for you to come home to me

Rochelle birthday is March 29, 1999 and Katie birthday is Aug. 15, 2000
You were taken from me on April 10, 2001 and terminated from me in Aug. 2002 I last seen you Aug 29, 2002 and that was the biggest loss I have experienced in my whole life...me losing you girls.
My name is Rabeka Jo D maiden name starts with F so going to throw out a few names of difference spelling so it can help you maybe find me too. Rebecca Rebecka Rebeka Rabecca Beky Becky Bekey Beckey mommy Becky is what you called me (honestly I hate the name Becky because I'm redneck enough with Rabeka Jo as my name but I allowed my baby girls to call me Becky and you are the ONLY ones who got away with it just so you know how special you are) so hopefully this post will get you here...

Please if you find this post go to the oldest post and work your way to the newest posts so you know I've thought constantly about you throughout the years we been apart and I miss and love you both so very much and cannot wait to see you again soon!

PS to read oldest look on the right of this page scroll down to year dates click the oldest year then oldest month and work your way up through the years and I hope you read it all and know I was wronged but nothing I could do and that I'm waiting for you with my arms wide open and if I only knew how to allow you to come before your 18 I would do it but Lori Chandler won't tell me anything other than for me to write and send stuff to the envelope they have for you...and idk what to send so I am currently hand writing out this blog...but may end up printing and gluing it because my hand can't write anymore like it used to...two paragraphs at a time is so not getting this task done...sorry...but I will get it and send it to that envelope soon as I can...

Anyway I pray this helps you find me...I love you two so very much and miss you so much I can't and haven't stopped thinking about you not ever and I won't talk to you soon I hope!
Sincerely,
Your loving birth mother,
Rabeka Jo D (F) DOB 5-1980

Happy Thanksgiving baby girls

As thanksgiving sneaks up on me...I been thinking about what I'm thankful for...first and foremost I'm glad I had you both and did not abort you and throw you away like a selfish young idiot most people the age I was do. I'm thankful for having all your brothers and sisters too (Dylan, Jack, and River your brothers and Josephine and Evangeline your sisters) I don't think anyone other than me could of handled losing Josephine and River like I did so I'm thankful God trusted me with them to carry out their lives they were written in his book for them to have...I'm very thankful I met and married Johnny...even if he is impatient and always has to get something out of everything which drives me bananas....I'm the giving kind of person...and he is the what do I get out of it? Nothing?! Forget it then...type and yeah so not like me...and I hate that but it is his hard earned money that goes into the gas tank and yeah money I would use to help others out...so I can't do many things I want but that's OK its his money...I'm thankful we were allowed to move back to my childhood home...I'm thankful that the renters we had living here tore things up not burnt the place down like they could have on many occasions (signs of cigarettes being left on shelves and stories of their family living in garage with space heaters smh....so could have happened and I'm so thankful God didn't allow it)....I'm thankful that we were able to fix it up with new flooring and carpet...I'm thankful my husband has a job...I'm thankful I have a sorta job of cleaning my neighbors house...I'm thankful we have my friend and her three kids living in the other house for the winter and they have someplace warm to be and the bills are in their name and are paying the bills...so thankful for that....thankful that we have just enough money to scrape by with our house payments and insurance and bills...thankful we have credit cards to cover the food bill each month...otherwise we would starve...thankful there is food stamps available for people like me but saddened that we probably don't qualify because we have the other house as a resource so instead of renting the house out for money to pay the house payment and insurance on the place...we get to starve if we didn't have our credit cards....thankful we can sell our other house in March and be done with the whole landlord piss-on scene....and stop being taken advantage of...thankful that many people say just holler when we need help to move our two car garage worth of stuff...now if we can swallow our pride and allow it...no one volunteered when asked on Facebook so I assumed no  wanted to help us even if they said hey I'm free next weekend (which I had one lady lined up to help and then she didn't answer her phone and disappeared off the face of the earth go figure) and yeah that would be appreciated....now its cold and going to get icy and snowy and yeah not going to happen...but I'm thankful there is no rush on getting the stuff moved....I'm thankful to be able to help my friend and her kids out...I'm thankful that karma will come back around and bless us...hopefully soon...Christmas is going to be slim pickings this year...probably won't qualify for assistance with that either...but we get Wic and we get free lunches...this is just dumb...
Anyway sorry I've got a lot on my mind...it was Dylans birthday today (11-25-14) he turned 11....its been 12 years since I seen you girls....I'm thankful that you can come and find me when you are 18 I wish you could sooner but stupid case worker Lori Chandler says there isn't anything I can do accept put things in a folder...so I'm trying to hand write this blog into a book to send in...to be honest I'm on the third post from oldest...and it hurts so bad to write (my hand doesn't write well anymore)...so I may see about printing the rest of the blog out (after I finish the third post) and then glue the pages into the book or something...make it super thick though...so idk...hope it won't...anyway that is my game plan and of course a link to this blog to see if I wrote more on it...which I probably will keep writing after I send the book...anyways...love you girls and miss you so very much! Wish you were here to celebrate Thanksgiving with us...an your family too would be very welcomed...I'm so lost without you girls...always have been...I sure hope you do come find me :-( I have health issues that make me hurt so bad still trying to figure out what it is that is going on...hopefully soon they will figure it out and I find relief and get my life back...anyway...I love you we are having my neighbor over for thanksgiving dinner and my husbands mom dad grandma uncle Chris I sure hope comes...Dalton our nephew maybe and maybe his ex girl and her two kids (his daughter her son)...idk no one said they didn't have no where to go for the dinner thing so I assume everyone has a place to be...anyway...I wish more would come...I'm not used to these small functions...my mom had four siblings and each had at least two kids so lots of cousins...anyway...I miss you both and my mom and sister Jami (Jami moved to Arkansas, Grandma Sally died)...I also miss my sister in laws (Lilly moved to Alabama and Melissa died)....but I'm sure thankful I got to know them all...and miss Faith our niece she moved to Alabama with her momma...anyways sorry just unloading my brain and broken heart so its not so heavy this thanksgiving day like it is every year and just more and more heavy as my life trudges on...
Talk to you later...love you both and miss you both so much that words cannot express how much I do...
Sincerely,
Your loving birth mother,
Rabeka Jo D (F) DOB 5-1980

Before I forget

I wanted to share with you my seven dwarfs explanation.
Rowsheall is grumpy because she always crossed her arms and pouted. Katelyn is happy because she was always happy to see me. Dylan is doc cuz he always seems to try and be the boss. Jack is dopey because he is the class clown and he's funny. Josephine was bashful because she never showed her face on sonogram . River was sleepy because he was born sleeping. And Evangeline she's sneezy because she's always sneezing.

So I have seven dwarves and I love you also very much. I am so excited because we are so close to you guys coming home. I hope to see you guys soon. I love you both very much! I will talk to you later love you bye for now.
Sincerely,
Your loving birth mother,
Rabeka Jo (F) D dob 5-1980

I posted a post on a page on facebook

I really want to look for Rowsheall Kailyn 3-1999 and Katelyn Marie 8-2000 but since they are not of age I just want to get in touch with their adoptive parents Rowsheall was changed to Rochelle and Kaitlyn was changed to Katie social worker who stole them was Lori Chandler...I just want pictures of them...and to know they are alive and well so I can sleep at night...also want to share family health history I recently learned...and to give pictures to replace the copy machine copies I only could afford to get together for them last minute :-( they didn't give me time to get actual copies of the pictures because they assure me the girls were coming home...as they did throughout the process...I have a blog I wrote to the girls on and still write to them on birthdays and holidays and when I just can't stop thinking about them and to update them on what's going on in my life...I miss them and love them so very much...and I'm here opened arms waiting for their 18 yr birthdays which is steadily approaching and I'm so excited! I can't wait to hold you in my arms again! Xoxo Google your names spelt the way I did and you should find my blogger blog...I'm in the process of writing out all the posts may end up printing and gluing them into this book...as my writing skills aren't well...and my hand can't write for very long...but I'm trying...anyway...talk to you soon...my birthday is 5-1980

Its on adoptees reunited page under picture of Kansas I hope it gets something going for me to get pictures and know you are healthy and Alive
Love you I need to go to bed...I just wanted you to know I'm trying ttyl,
Sincerely, your loving birth mother,
Rabeka Jo D (F) dob 5-1980

We are moving again

Well we are moving back to the house I lived in since I was 6 yes old...and the house we lived in with grandma Sally and aunt Jami and great grandma Delphine...hopefully it will be easier to find me...
Our now ex friends/renters tore up the house so bad that we had to pour too much money into the house to just hand it over to different renters to tear up...so we are moving back...I'm excited cuz we got new floors throughout the house...and I plan to keep the place clutter free so we can have people over...tired of being hermits and not being able to have visitors because of embarrassment of the clutter...anyway...thought I would let you know...I love you and miss you bunches! Can't wait to see you!
Sincerely,
Your loving birth mother,
Rabeka Jo D (F) dob 05*16*1980

Happy 14th birthday

Happy birthday Katelyn! I can't wait until I get to see you again...I miss you and your sister so very much...no words could ever express all the strength in the words I miss you and I love you cause both sayings are the strongest feelings anyone could ever feel...my heart has such a huge hole in it where you girls belong and I really wish I had not been taken advantage of and back stabbed like I was which lead us to lives apart from each other. I hope you have lived a happy wonderful life without me...I felt guilty all these years for feeling happy without you...but I realize that is robbing me and my family I have now...no they deserve to be happy and so do you and so do I...I don't know if you're happy and I don't know if your sister is happy either...but I can't sit here being pessimistic and thinking the worst case scenario like I have in the past...its torturing me. I have to think positive so I can finally be at peace and be able to live my life like I think you are living. And when you do come home to me I will be so happy and open armed ready to hold you in my arms.
I hope you had a wonderful birthday today. There are four more years until you're 18 and are able to come home to me.
I love you and miss you much!
See you soon,
Sincerely,
Your loving birth mother,
Rabeka Jo D (F) (dob 5-1980)

Happy 15th birthday Rowsheall

Three more years until your old enough to come and find me! I'm do excited I can't believe it's that close! I am still pregnant with baby girl who is due April 12. I keep having random strong contractions she could still come today or any other day. I sorta don't want to have her share your birthday but kinda think it would be neat. Anyway I will write more when I get time we are trying to ready the house for baby girls arrival and got things to do today but I will write more later. I can't picture you 15 and idk what you are into at this age. I miss you so very much and think of you and your sister every waking hour of every single day. I love you so much! I will talk to you later xoxoxo

Sincerely,

Your loving birthmother

Rabeka Jo (F) D dob 5/1980

P.s. I wrote this on your birthday it didn't post I just realized it I did think about you and wrote to you 

Happy Easter baby girls!

Dear girls,

Hope you have a blessed Easter and get to celebrate our savior's resurrection and know the reason for the season is because we all who have fallen short to the glory of God are saved. Xoxo

I hope you enjoy a good Easter egg hunt and are enjoying getting dressed up for this wonderful day. Wonder if you're using make-up by now or not, wonder what you're doing today...going to church? Getting together with family for a feast and festivities? I sure hope you are very happy in your situation, whatever it is.

Love you and miss you both very much and I wish you were here with me your brothers and sister xoxo

Talk to you later,

Sincerely,

Your loving birthmother,

Rabeka Jo (F) D (d.o.b. 05-1980)

Evangeline in her Easter shirt that is size 0-3 months and is too big lol

Mommy and Evangeline 

Dylan and Evangeline 

Jack opening his eggs from the egg hunt we went to yesterday

Your new sister has arrived :-)

Evangeline Nicole D has arrived. She came 4/4/14 at 10:07am weighed 6lbs 10.4oz and was 19.5inches long...she has jondice and I'm breast feeding her and trying to get her to gain weight...so far she got down to 5lbs 13oz and is now back up to 6lbs 2oz but today she weighed 6lbs again but think it was difference in scales cuz one was at doctors office (6 2) and the other was at Wic. Anyway she reminds me of both you girls even of you were smaller than her. You were 5lbs 9oz Rowsheall and you were 5 9.5oz Katelyn. She is so tiny you were 19 inches long both of you...I know you got to this size at some point...I am praying she starts gaining weight soon because I don't want to supplement with formula which I have need doing a little...anyway just thought I would share the good news of her safe arrival xoxo here is a pic of her xoxo

Can't wait to see you girls! Love you miss you so very much! Going to try and sleep...gn

Sincerely,

Your loving birthmother 

Rabeka Jo (F) D

Ps your brothers are thrilled to have a sister at home. And Johnny and I are happy as well. I can't believe she is finally here and I actually got to take her home. God is great isn't He?! Praise The Lord we made it through and are home enjoying life with a new baby best we can. Anyway love you both so much! Love you and miss you! Talk to you again soon xoxo

Can't stop thinking bout you

I had a memory of Rowsheall on your second birthday when we were singing to you happy birthday and you sang along singing "happy to me happy to me" over and over. Precious child why didn't I see you for the blessing you were even if I was frustrated and sleep deprived and couldn't understand your inability to understand why leaving baby Katelyn alone to sleep was a good thing to do so mom and you could have one on one time...but why didn't anyone help me understand this was fine and this is how to cope with it...whatever that was....Katelyn you used to get this expression of eyebrows rise mouth in Oh shape whenever I came into view of you...this was prior to your removal and it was so hard on our first visit simply because I expected this excited baby girl to be excited to see me her mom and there you were crying for your mom the whole hour first visit and I was devastated...I'm sorry girls I let you down...now I'm unable to get pictures and hope you find me in three to four years not many more after that cuz I don't think I or your brothers can wait long after that...they can't wait until you come and rejoin our family in three years Rowsheall and you Katelyn in four years...they keep asking about you girls...I cry over you girls just as if it happened yesterday...you were and will always be my worst loss I've lost in my life and I will say that until the day I die.

I miss you both so terribly much! And cannot wait to see you again hopefully soon! Love you so much it hurts!

Ttyl

Sincerely,

Rabeka Jo F (D) your loving birth mother who is patiently waiting for your 18th birthdays Rowsheall march 2017 and Katelyn aug 2018 (my dob 5/1980) xoxoxo

Happy new year baby girls! Mommy misses you!

Hope you got to stay up late and bang pots and pans to ring in the New Years like me and the boys did. Also put together a puzzle like we always did for as long as I can remember (my mom, me, my sister, and sometimes our two cousins). I picked an angel shaped puzzle with tiny angels all over. It's a gorgeous puzzle but very difficult. But I had fun doing it.

Anyways, love you both so very much here is to a blessed year for us all and I pray we get to be apart of each others lives soon! I miss you so very much it hurts so bad! I will say this until the day I die, losing you two girls is and will always be my hardest loss I've faced in my whole life. Josie your sisters death, River Lyric your brother who was still born, and your grandma Sally's death after a long fight against breast and skin cancer. I cry as if I lost you yesterday when I speak of our wrongful ruling. When I tell my side of the story, I know people think I had to of done something wrong to have you both removed and adopted out to strangers to me. But I really seriously don't see or feel I did anything to deserve this horrible loss. I really don't think removing children from their homes is a solution to any problem. I think they should house the whole unit in a facility or move in a supervisor into the home of the family. Cameras or human being. Help "preserve the family unit" as they are supposed to be doing, but failed to do that for us as a family unit. Grass was greener on the other side of the fence, sure I was scraping by, but you both were fed, clothed, and had a roof over your head. My best wasn't good enough. I starved so you could eat at times when money got really tight. I hope and pray you understand my side of the story, and never doubt me and how I seen the whole case unfold and destroyed my life.

Anyway,

Love you both so much and your brothers, dad (Johnny my husband), and I can't wait to meet you!

I miss you so very much! 

Talk to later,

With love,

Your loving biological mother who is waiting with her arms wide open for your return home,

Rabeka Jo (F) D