It took the state 507 days to destroy our family I had with you both Rowsheall and Katelyn.

Thats One year 4 months and 20 days

Thats 43,804,800 seconds

Thats 730,080 Minutes

Thats 12,168 hours

thats 72 weeks (rounded down)

It seems only yesterday was the last time I seen you both but it has been 2923 days

thats 8 yrs and ago to the date

thats 252,547,200 seconds

thats 4,209,120 minutes

thats 70,152 hours

thats 413 weeks (rounded down)

I can't believe my babies are growing up without me...and they are no longer 3 and 2 as they were today 8 yrs ago...its unbelieveable how long it has been...I miss you every waking hour of my life and ache to hear your laughs, feel you hugging me, hearing you both say you love me...I watch the DVD home videos of you both and want to just reach into the tv and hold you one last time...but I can't...and that is something I have to come to terms with every waking hour of my life...

I am surviving, I am not sure how I am but I am...and I am trying my best to keep myself together but its an every moment battle...losing you two were worst than losing my latest daughter who died...losing you two absolutely destroyed me...and for a short while I let it....I hope you understand when you come home to meet me that I did everything in my ability (cause this was a very debilitating experience I had ever experienced in my life) but I am so thankful that I got to spend the time I did with them or partly be apart of their lives.

I got to see and be apart of Rowshealls life 1250 days (March 29th 1999-Aug 29th 2002)

Thats 3 years 5 months, to the date

thats 108,000,000 seconds

thats 1,800,000 minutes

thats 30,000 hours

or 178 weeks (rounded down)

I got to see and be apart of Katelyn's life for 744 days (Aug 15th 2000-Aug 29th 2002)

thats 2 yrs, 14 days

thats 64,281,600 seconds

thats 1,071,360 minutes

thats 106 weeks (rounded down

I had custody of the girls and doing what I had to and made sure my kids needs were met which they were well taken care of....for

Rowsheall 743 days

thats 2 yrs 12 days

thats 64,195,200 seconds

thats 1,069,920 minutes

thats 17,832 hours

thats 106 weeks (Rounded down)

Katelyne 238 days

thats 7 months 26 days

thats 20,563,200 seconds

thats 342,720 minutes

thats 34 weeks

and by the time I got to visit with the girls Katelyn didn't even recognize me and cried for her mom the full hour visitation who was right in front of her...which really deeply broke my heart into a million billion zillion infinity pieces...

Well baby's I miss you terribly bad...and I love you so very much and I can't wait to see you again someday hopefully sooner than later...I really am doing good...just miss you alot and try not to let it get to me too bad cause I hold the thought that you will someday come and find me and if its till your 18th birthdays

Rowsheall will come home in 2405 days, thats 6 yrs, 7 months, and 1 day

Thats 207,792,000 seconds

thats 3,463, 200 minutes

thats 57,720 hours

343 weeks (rounded down)

Katelyn will come home in 2909 days

thats 7 yrs, 11 months, and 18 days

thats 251,337,600 seconds

thats 4,188,960 minutes

thats 69,816 hours

thats 415 weeks (rounded down)

thats not as long as I have been without you two...so I can do this...I don't want to but I have to...it kills me...but I do what I have to....

How fun to know all the calculations of our lives and how soon we will see each other again...I am so excited! I can't wait but have to ya know what I mean!

I love you so very much and miss you two so very much...

Sincerely,

your loving birth mother

Rabeka Jo (F) D (DOB 5/1980)

Katelyn Marie,

I can't believe you are turning 10 today, its amazing how time is just flying by. 8 more years before you can come and find me, I am so excited about meeting you someday...I know it could be sooner than that depending on your adoptive parent's desires but I count on that 18th birthday for sure...

You must be getting so big by now...Your dad Kenneth Raymond Fairchild just texted me saying he was just thinking about our baby girl on her birthday...he just found out sometime this last year as I did too that he was the father of you...big surprise to us both...but a good surprise...anyway...I just wanted you to know I and your daddy are thinking about you on your birthday.

I miss you and your sister so very much, and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about you two. I just bought me some thinking of you cards, and note book and envelopes, I hope to write a few letters throughout the year and hopefully find out where to send them so they get stored into a file for when you and your sister come of age...though I hate to send them and then find out you never got them cause they got lost...or something...so I guess I should make copies for my own box to give to you girls when you come home...I have a few things I have from when you were with me as well as what I bought you throughout the years too...its not much of a collection of things...but it sure is better than nothing...I really can't believe you are actually going to be 10 this year...you are still 2 in my mind...Aug 29th, 2002 was the last day I seen you and your sister...and its so hard to think you are no longer that cute little baby girl anymore....but I am thankful each day that you are well taken care of and I pray that you are happy and healthy and thriving and having the best life God has to offer you. I wish it was with me but know it was best that you and your sister were to be else where...even if right now or back then I couldn't see the point I was a loving mother without a clue and I really wish I could undo a lot of things I said and did (those not being what I was accused of) but things I felt I had to do so I could get you girls back home with me...anyway...

I hope you have a happy birthday and get everything you want for your birthday. I also hope you still think of me as I do you, but I hope these thoughts are happy ones as they are for me happy thoughts of you coming home to me when the time is right. I really do love you and your sister so very much. I really hope you are doing very well where you are and are truly happy and settled. I would pursue custody but know that it would be more traumatic for you to be taken from where you are now to be placed with me and thats why I haven't pursued it farther...but it was unjust that you both were taken from me permanently like you were...but the damage is already done and there is no turning back now...

Anyway I love you so very much Katelyn and so does your daddy Ray and Daddy Johnny (my husband ur step dad) I will talk to you later Katelyn Marie, see you someday soon :-)

Sincerely,

Rabeka Jo (F) D

your Birth mother

(D.O.B. 5-1980)