Dear girls,
I dont know what happened all those years ago obviously because ur adoptive mom says no it wasnt that way so I'm going to obtain this bible she speaks of and hopefully can prove otherwise but since I couldn't prove it when it counted idk why I want to bother with it since it really doesn't matter to anyone but me...
Tuesday, December 04, 2018
Well the wait is over
Dearest rowsheall aka rachelle and katelyn aka katie,
I'm sorry the system screwed you guys up and fucked us all up...really...but it is what it is and you can choose to continue down your self destruction paths or you can rise above them and prove the world recovery is possible after living such terrible lives your imagination created because your mother (me) was and is a fuck up...fuck me and I need to hurry up and die so you can shit on my grave Katie? Really? Okay then what a waste of all the wishes I ever wished all these years to finally meet you...now i have nothing to wish for accept for yall to get your shit together and stop blaming everyone else for your choices you make to be the way you are today. Are you looking for you to be able to have a testamony? U went through x y and z and now you are recovered? Well good luck with that cuz I cant take your drama and hurtful shit you say to me cuz I'm not strong and I was the victim and come find out yall were too? Well so you claim but I'm having a hard time believing anything you say shelle because you change your story and want to throw all this crap you been through in my face saying you had it worse off than me. Maybe you did...but if you had stuck to the truth you wouldn't have slipped up and elaborated which changed the stories told...yes I agreed to put you up in my apartment separate from my home yes I agreed to put electric in it and water and everything u needed but 1 you were in a hurry and so was I because of the near death experience you and your girlfriend had in your previous neighborhood near death... so yes I rushed cuz I was scared of losing you. 2 I didn't realize the fights and anger and yelling and drama you would bring with you...nor the inability to maintain cleanliness nor jobs and how your high expectations would stir up fights when things didn't go as plan and 3 you agreed to 100 a month and you paid once and then the last 2 months you didn't. This eviction had to happen. Then you dumped your cat litter boxes in my back yard and gave my dogs worms because my dog ate your cats shit..you left nasty dishes in the sink you wrote hasta levesta bitches and I'm done on our bed we let you use. You were told you would get a car I gave you my only reliable fucking car i owned and you weren't happy. I knew it worked i knew it was reliable it was bought with my moms life insurance so in a way she also was able to help get you a fucking car. But whatever
..you have no idea how much of a trigger you are to me...but I faced it head on for 5 months and this last part sent me over the deep end...so fuck you.
If you get your shit together and stop looking to out do the horrible shit I been through and start working on that testamony and get your head together get off drugs and fucking face reality and own up to your issues and get help...then come find me...I'm working on me more so now than ever because I don't want to be here anymore and that is so not fair to my family I have now. And it's worse now that you and Katie have came back and told me bullshit that hurts me way deeper than you fucking know so fuck you both and your fucking bullshit lies and hurtful bullshit you fucking say to me. You dont know me and you dont know what the fuck it was like for me back when I lost you and for you to come at me like you did and then flip flop into this psychotic bitch...and Katie heartless bitch...fuck you...I do want a relationship but you need to realize I was there I remember it...its haunted me all these fucking years and then come find out my biggest fears are true...but they ain't because things are so off the wall they are hard to believe, that's so fucking messed up...toying with my emotions and fucking me up worse than ever...fuck you and the high motherfucking horse you think you both are on!!!!!
Sincerely,
Your fucked up birth mother
Rabeka jo (f) d
I'm sorry the system screwed you guys up and fucked us all up...really...but it is what it is and you can choose to continue down your self destruction paths or you can rise above them and prove the world recovery is possible after living such terrible lives your imagination created because your mother (me) was and is a fuck up...fuck me and I need to hurry up and die so you can shit on my grave Katie? Really? Okay then what a waste of all the wishes I ever wished all these years to finally meet you...now i have nothing to wish for accept for yall to get your shit together and stop blaming everyone else for your choices you make to be the way you are today. Are you looking for you to be able to have a testamony? U went through x y and z and now you are recovered? Well good luck with that cuz I cant take your drama and hurtful shit you say to me cuz I'm not strong and I was the victim and come find out yall were too? Well so you claim but I'm having a hard time believing anything you say shelle because you change your story and want to throw all this crap you been through in my face saying you had it worse off than me. Maybe you did...but if you had stuck to the truth you wouldn't have slipped up and elaborated which changed the stories told...yes I agreed to put you up in my apartment separate from my home yes I agreed to put electric in it and water and everything u needed but 1 you were in a hurry and so was I because of the near death experience you and your girlfriend had in your previous neighborhood near death... so yes I rushed cuz I was scared of losing you. 2 I didn't realize the fights and anger and yelling and drama you would bring with you...nor the inability to maintain cleanliness nor jobs and how your high expectations would stir up fights when things didn't go as plan and 3 you agreed to 100 a month and you paid once and then the last 2 months you didn't. This eviction had to happen. Then you dumped your cat litter boxes in my back yard and gave my dogs worms because my dog ate your cats shit..you left nasty dishes in the sink you wrote hasta levesta bitches and I'm done on our bed we let you use. You were told you would get a car I gave you my only reliable fucking car i owned and you weren't happy. I knew it worked i knew it was reliable it was bought with my moms life insurance so in a way she also was able to help get you a fucking car. But whatever
..you have no idea how much of a trigger you are to me...but I faced it head on for 5 months and this last part sent me over the deep end...so fuck you.
If you get your shit together and stop looking to out do the horrible shit I been through and start working on that testamony and get your head together get off drugs and fucking face reality and own up to your issues and get help...then come find me...I'm working on me more so now than ever because I don't want to be here anymore and that is so not fair to my family I have now. And it's worse now that you and Katie have came back and told me bullshit that hurts me way deeper than you fucking know so fuck you both and your fucking bullshit lies and hurtful bullshit you fucking say to me. You dont know me and you dont know what the fuck it was like for me back when I lost you and for you to come at me like you did and then flip flop into this psychotic bitch...and Katie heartless bitch...fuck you...I do want a relationship but you need to realize I was there I remember it...its haunted me all these fucking years and then come find out my biggest fears are true...but they ain't because things are so off the wall they are hard to believe, that's so fucking messed up...toying with my emotions and fucking me up worse than ever...fuck you and the high motherfucking horse you think you both are on!!!!!
Sincerely,
Your fucked up birth mother
Rabeka jo (f) d
Tuesday, August 14, 2018
Katelyn 18th birthday
Dear Katelyn,
I hope you have the best birthday ever! Hope you get exactly what you want. I'm here open arms ready to meet you. We need to discuss quite a few things that were misunderstood as I did not include reason behind certain statements I've said here on this blog. Back story to the statements so to speak.
What it boils down to is, I went to all the wrong people to seek help and what I got instead of help was set ups and back stabs. And if that cant be seen then i need to explain it all to you sentance by sentance so you do understand. The blog is not the whole story it's the points to show where I was mentally and then what I did and who I went to for help and got blindsided.
Hope to meet you soon.
Sincerely,
Rabeka Jo D (F) dob 5/1980
Tuesday, March 27, 2018
Happy 19th Rowsheall Kailyn!
Dear Rowsheall Kailyn,
You turn 19 today (Ok I'm early it's the 29th you turn 19 lol I read the date wrong) :) and when Katelyn turns 18 on August 15th you will be able to come and find me and end this hide and seek game the courts forced us to play back on Aug 29th, 2002 when I last seen your smiling faces. I am so sorry I believed the workers that were on our case that I had everything done and that I was getting you girls back. And relaxed in that reassurance only to be told total opposite in court to the judge. I'm also sorry I listened to my court appointed lawyer that we were looking good and didn't need my character witnesses and that if we brought them in it would of hurt our case. I am thankful for the family who took you in as your own and gave you both the life I couldn't provide as I was poor. You were conceived in my womb but also in the hearts of your adoptive parents <3 I have prayed you were happy and raised better than I could ever do. I know in my heart you were. For that I'm thankful.
Mommy Becky is here waiting with her arms opened ready to hold you in her loving arms again.
See you soon baby girl!
Sincerely,
Your loving birth mother,
Rabeka Jo (F) D
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