Dear Both Girls,
It has been 12 years 11 months and 18 days since I last seen you girls. That is 4,735 days or 113,644 hours.
I have 1 year 7 months and 12 days until Rowsheall is 18 years old!
I have 2 years 11 months and 29 days until Katelyn is 18 years old!
I am in the home stretch for you girls to come home to me and I will hold you and kiss you and hug you and never want to let you go again! I am so excited!
Anyways I am so excited! I had to share my excitement!
Sincerely,
Your loving and eager birth mother,
Rabeka Jo (F) D
dob 5-1980
Sunday, August 16, 2015
Happy Birthday Katelyn! You are 15 yay 3 more years until you can come find me!
Hey baby girl yes I am a day late but doesn't mean I didn't think of you all day yesterday which I did, I just didn't have the time to jot you a note on here, its been chaotic around here with school getting ready to start and us trying to get our other house rented so hopefully in the end it can be purchased and we can be done with the whole renting scene as we are totally done with that. Anyways. I hope your day was most special of all and continues to get better over the many years to come. I love you and your sister so very much it hurts so bad that I cannot touch you and hold you and wish you a Happy birthday in person. My heart aches to hear your voice and see your faces, we are getting closer to your 18th birthdays and I can hardly wait! I hope you do seek me out. I hope you find this blog and know that not one single day went by that I did not think of you I just don't want to overwhelm you with so many posts you can't possibly catch up with so I limited myself over the years as to how much I posted so not to overwhelm you when you do read it.
Wow 15 years old...I remember when I was 15. I really hope your 15 looks very much different than mine as I hope you aren't making some of the mistakes I made at that age and continued to make until I wised up and learned the hard way that my mom (your grandma Sally) was right about everything and I should of minded her all those years I was rebelling her ruling over my life. I sincerely hope you are a good girl and mind your parents. I also hope you are respectful of yourself and others.
I love you both so very much be sure to tell your sister that for me. I really do miss you girls so very much...I want to post videos of you girls on youtube during our visits with Jacqueline Perry the social worker who chomped her gum annoyingly throughout them and scribbled down on her pad of paper when things weren't going too smoothly and then sat there watching as everything was nice and calm and going great...focusing only on the negatives during our visits. and conveniently you girls needed naps so we had a lot of fun during our visits and she had tons of notes to share with court about how bad of a mother I was. I needed guidance and all I got was them making me look bad in court and not conserving my family unit because it was broken because I didn't have a husband and house of my own I had a mother and a sister and we all supported each other and it would of worked...but the grass was greener on the other side of the fence with a stable married couple with lots of money to spare...so you could be spoiled and could have everything you could ever wish to have. I hope that is what happened at least...since it was so much better where you were going verses where you were coming from.
Anyway, I hope you had a great day sweetheart and your dad Kenneth Raymond Fairchild wished you a happy birthday on my facebook. I will keep in contact with him so you can get in touch with him when you come to me. I love you so very much and he does too...and I am sorry I didn't have any idea that you could of been his...and I am sorry the system didn't tell me that dna testing said you were not Bruce Hetzel's daughter. They failed your real dad tremendously by not saying so and allowing me to get in touch with him so he could try to get you since I wasn't going to get you...but they were telling me I was getting you girls back the entire time saying I had everything done and then in court said I refused to do a number of court ordered classes or treatments or whatever it was and they said I was fine then in court said I was faking good on my psych eval...smh...I just can't get over how they railroaded me and your grandmother. I hate that fact that I gave my all and it wasn't good enough or fast enough for the courts to give me you girls back...I need to get the address to write to you girls so it can go into your file...I figure I will write and then link this blog in it so you can read all the posts here...I am just so scared I don't know why but I am working on it with my counselor...I think its the fact that I can never go back and edit anything I say in those letters that I send and I am afraid that what I say may or may not make you want to come find me and I don't want to mess up any of that possibility since there maybe just a small curiosity there to begin with and then my letter may totally throw the small bit out of the water and you won't come find me for many years. I cannot hardly wait until you are 18 and I hope and pray you do seek me out. I really really miss you girls so bad it hurts...I cannot go much longer than that for you to come see me...I want to hold you so bad and I can't...it hurts so bad!
Anyway I will talk to you later I cannot see the screen now as I am crying.
I love you both so very much and miss you so very much!
Sincerely,
Your loving birth mother,
Rabeka Jo (F) D
dob: 5-1980
Wow 15 years old...I remember when I was 15. I really hope your 15 looks very much different than mine as I hope you aren't making some of the mistakes I made at that age and continued to make until I wised up and learned the hard way that my mom (your grandma Sally) was right about everything and I should of minded her all those years I was rebelling her ruling over my life. I sincerely hope you are a good girl and mind your parents. I also hope you are respectful of yourself and others.
I love you both so very much be sure to tell your sister that for me. I really do miss you girls so very much...I want to post videos of you girls on youtube during our visits with Jacqueline Perry the social worker who chomped her gum annoyingly throughout them and scribbled down on her pad of paper when things weren't going too smoothly and then sat there watching as everything was nice and calm and going great...focusing only on the negatives during our visits. and conveniently you girls needed naps so we had a lot of fun during our visits and she had tons of notes to share with court about how bad of a mother I was. I needed guidance and all I got was them making me look bad in court and not conserving my family unit because it was broken because I didn't have a husband and house of my own I had a mother and a sister and we all supported each other and it would of worked...but the grass was greener on the other side of the fence with a stable married couple with lots of money to spare...so you could be spoiled and could have everything you could ever wish to have. I hope that is what happened at least...since it was so much better where you were going verses where you were coming from.
Anyway, I hope you had a great day sweetheart and your dad Kenneth Raymond Fairchild wished you a happy birthday on my facebook. I will keep in contact with him so you can get in touch with him when you come to me. I love you so very much and he does too...and I am sorry I didn't have any idea that you could of been his...and I am sorry the system didn't tell me that dna testing said you were not Bruce Hetzel's daughter. They failed your real dad tremendously by not saying so and allowing me to get in touch with him so he could try to get you since I wasn't going to get you...but they were telling me I was getting you girls back the entire time saying I had everything done and then in court said I refused to do a number of court ordered classes or treatments or whatever it was and they said I was fine then in court said I was faking good on my psych eval...smh...I just can't get over how they railroaded me and your grandmother. I hate that fact that I gave my all and it wasn't good enough or fast enough for the courts to give me you girls back...I need to get the address to write to you girls so it can go into your file...I figure I will write and then link this blog in it so you can read all the posts here...I am just so scared I don't know why but I am working on it with my counselor...I think its the fact that I can never go back and edit anything I say in those letters that I send and I am afraid that what I say may or may not make you want to come find me and I don't want to mess up any of that possibility since there maybe just a small curiosity there to begin with and then my letter may totally throw the small bit out of the water and you won't come find me for many years. I cannot hardly wait until you are 18 and I hope and pray you do seek me out. I really really miss you girls so bad it hurts...I cannot go much longer than that for you to come see me...I want to hold you so bad and I can't...it hurts so bad!
Anyway I will talk to you later I cannot see the screen now as I am crying.
I love you both so very much and miss you so very much!
Sincerely,
Your loving birth mother,
Rabeka Jo (F) D
dob: 5-1980
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)