I drew this for you girls, I hope to have it in 6-7 years to give to you, its not very good but its hard drawing people especially those you love, cause its never good enough...but I had to just accept it and yep I am working past my perfection :-) I love you girls and I miss you so much :-) I look forward to seeing you in 6-7 years if not sooner I am ready when you and your parents are.

I love you very much I just thought I would share my picture I drew of you girls.

Sincerely, your loving birth mother

Rabeka Jo D (F DOB 5-1980)

Dear Rowsheall and Katelyn,

Today back in 2002 was the last day I seen you two :-( and I feel the same as I did that day...absolutely devastated. After I left that day I left all will to live, you were my reason for living and they took that from me. But I regained it when I realized you may want to come find me later in your lives, which I am waiting opened armed for that day to come, I am counting down nearly the days till you become of age to come be with me again. I know you will be grown and will be on your own and possibly headed off to college by then, but I can hope we start a great mother daughter relationship then...I love you two so very much and miss you tremendously, I cannot say it enough. I really do, and that last visitation we thought we were recording the whole time but we weren't so all we had was the pictures the idiot counselor took who forced us to hold back tears and not show emotion that was term-oiling inside us the whole time we were with you for our last visit...and when you Rowsheall turned around to me and said "see you next week" as you always do and looked puzzled when I said no baby I won't see you next week I will see you when you turn 18 that really broke my heart completely. That look you gave me, you really wanted to come home with me, and I really wanted to bring you home with me too but the Judge just didn't see that my grass in my yard was green enough for you two girls to grow up the way they thought was best for you...which I am constantly questioning my abilities with your two brothers that are living with me now...but I know I deserve them, I know I am doing best I can...and thats good enough.
Anyways girls I just wanted you to know I will be thinking about you all day today missing you every moment throughout it just as I do everyday.
I love you two so very much and I can't wait to hold you again in my loving arms. What a Glorious day that will be! And I will be redeemed!
Sincerely,
your loving birth mother,
Rabeka Jo D (F DOB 5 1980)

Dear Katelyn,

Seriously 7 more years before you can come and see me again? and I see you? wow your 11 years old! thats unbelievable how time has flown by...I can't wait to see you and your sister! I love you so very much and even thought the 12th was your birthday by mistake and told your brothers they were excited that we are so close to you coming home to see us...We really can't wait to see you again!

I remember when you were born I had stated that Bruce (who at the time I believed was your father) didn't mean to hit me...but he did...that was the one shot wonder drug that they gave me talking...I looked at you and was so amazed by how perfect you were just as with all my children...how perfect you all were...I loved you so very much...and still do...and its been hard these last 9 years...I still cry when I talk about our case and what the state did to our family...but there is nothing I could do now to change it...and if I could I would let you decide what you wanted to do...I know you have grown to love your forever family...you might go through a bout of hate and rebellion towards them as some teens do but not all teens...your Aunt Jami didn't :-) and you might think living with me would be so much better than living with them because they are so unfair or whatever just cause they have your best interest at heart...I assure you living with me wouldn't be much different accept that not both parents work in this home...just the daddy...and mommy isn't all fun and games...though if I had you guys at home I really don't know what I would be...I wouldn't be depressed I am sure of that...cause I would be complete I know that...but I really don't know what that looks like any more...

I love you so very much I hope you got everything you hoped you would get today...and more...I remember how excited you would get when I entered the room to pick you up...you did a full body quiver and straighten your arms and legs and open your eyes wide and blow out flat tight lips out of excitement...mainly I remember you doing this in your peter rabbit snow coat on...I love you so very much Katelyn I am so sorry I failed you and your sister I really truly am...but I assure you I didn't do what was accused of being done...no matter what anyone tells you know this is the truth...I really didn't do the things they thought I was doing and half way proved I was doing which was Meth...they told me day before they took a home drug screen that I needed to get off the flexeril asap cause it comes up positive on their home drug screens as meth...so they got that positive UA and won you guys cause I couldn't fight it...and for that I am so sorry I really wish I hadn't taken any medications over the counter or prescribed...EVER in my life...cause then all this mess wouldn't have happened...and we would still be together...

Anyway I love you so very much :-) I really do miss you so very much and can't wait to see you again!...I can't say it enough!

Talk to you later.
Sincerely,
Rabeka Jo D (F) (D.O.B. 05-1980)
your loving birth mother who won't EVER forget