Happy late thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving baby girls! I hope you were surrounded by your family and had a very good Thanksgiving feast. We had my husbands parents and great grandpa and nephew Jordan over and though short and sweet visit...I felt it lacked so much more than words can describe...I am so very thankful that Rowsheall turns 18 in end of March and can come find me :) of course I understand if you all wanna wait until Katelyn turns in Aug 2018 to come so both y'all can come meet me...but I do hope to see you soon!
I had my surgery on my back July 22, 2016 and so far doctors still don't want to treat my pain. I am fine until I bend over...about to just stop taking all meds and be done with the control over my life...meaning doctors holding control over my relief...which is frustrating to no end...I am frustrated and stressed...J your 11 yr old brother broke his arm your 2 yr old sister had to have caps put on her teeth because the tooth paste you get for toddlers is just full of candy...ugh...so anyways been a rough month for us all...we are nearing bankruptcy so taxes can't come any sooner for us...and depression in my life is peaked...I can't even take a shower because motivation is just not there...cps was called on us again (2nd time since D was born and the initial inspection) this time because D been a bit challenging here lately...he turned 13 day after Thanksgiving so that explains a lot in its self...so that sent me for a whirl into depression...and still recuperating....feel like the cps is lurking outside my door ready to strike any moment...especially since they know now I have a 2 yr old girl...so...I am on edge...anyway I am thankful I have what I have and what I had...I cannot change the past...wish i could...I wouldn't have allowed that babysitter to watch you girls and pulled myself together and just did what I had to do...
Looking at my daughter I realize something I hate myself for with Rowsheall and I cannot get into details on here but for what it is worth I am so sorry and wish I had a better pediatrician who didn't tell me it was normal for some to have...that is all I am going to say...but I failed at realizing something that could have been handled differently and I am so sorry...wish I could change things...but I can't...
Anyways, I am doing okay considering the realization of things, and circumstances out of my control...I'm hanging in barely but I am trying to rise up above it all...just struggling but still here breathing...soon as you girls come home and I know you lived a great life I will hope to snap the rest the way out of this dark place and start to climb back up to the light...I miss you so much and love you more than you will ever know xoxo!
See you soon!
Love you and miss you bunches!
Sincerely,
Your loving waiting birth mother,
Rabeka Jo  (F) D
D.o.b. 5-1980