Well that house mentioned in the last post fell through it had too many problems the seller wasn't willing to fix...so we found a 3 bedroom 1 bath house thats half the size of this one...but I think I can manage to keep ontop of the house work with it...I am excited to finally be out of this house I been in since I was 6 yrs old...we will still have it and plan to rent it out as soon as we fix it up a bit...

Anyway I miss you girls so very much...today being mothers day was tough...2nd mothers day without my mom...I don't know how you girls go through this holiday without me...its hard...so hard.

I just hope you treat your new mom as you would of treated me and enjoy her as she is a blessing to all three of us...and I look forward in meeting her and your new dad as well...it takes a big heart to take in two girls as their own and raise them up as if they are their own...

I have been looking into the whole adopt a little girl idea and I have to expunge you girls from my record before I can do that...and I am not sure what that will do to my ability to find you and you find me...but I don't like the sounds of it...so come July, or August your dad Johnny and I will be trying to have another baby and we won't be finding out if its a girl or a boy and will be surprised when they arrive.

I am excited to finally be moving...and I hope the bank stuff irons out and closing date can remain May 19th, 3 days after my birthday...anyway I miss you both so very much and I love you so very much...

I am starting to write my book of my life again...and I pray I continue to write it and get it published so the miscarriage of Justice we went through can at least be known by society for all that it was and is today...and I hope it opens up doors to where we can at least be in contact with one another soon afterwards...if not bring you home to me IF you want to do so...but if you are happy I would much rather leave you where you are...don't get me wrong it will hurt to lose you again...but I don't want to stir up emotions that are hopefully settled down by now cause I don't want you girls to be more screwed up than the state already has made you screwed up...to hold you girls again would be a dream come true and I would be here open armed if you were to come home...and I would be truly blessed to have you back...to harm you and your sister though...I mean to up and move you again...I don't think that would be in the best interest of you girls...unless circumstances allowed you to be moved back home with me that left you girls happy and transitioned correctly....I love you and miss you...I want you back...but know the damage was done and that you hopefully are healed from these wounds...and things are normal as they can be....I hope you understand what I mean...its not that I don't want you...I do more than anything in the world....I just know I don't want to force you girls into something you don't want.

I love you and miss you so very much and I will write again on my birthday as I know will be a hard one to get through again...Love you miss you talk to you soon.

Sincerely,

your loving birth mother,

Rabeka Jo (F) D