Dear Katelyn, I can't believe you are turning 9 today, it's unbelievable how time has flown since the last time I got to hold you and tell you I loved you. I just got done watching the home videos of you girls as I always do on each one of your birthdays, and sometimes on hollidays if I feel the need to feel close to you and know that you love me... I know I wasn't very close to you Katelyn when I had you, mommy went through post partum pretty hard after you were born, and I regret that tramendously. During our first visitation after a few months after you were taken by the state from me, you cried the whole hour for your mommy, and I was right there. It crushed me so hard, I cried a lil and the supervisor took me outside and said if I didn't regain control of my emotions she was going to have to end the visitation. So I had to swollow the tears and try to get you distracted but I just couldn't tear you from that door and you crying for your mommy. I tried. It wasn't your fault you didn't know me anymore, it was mine. Had I not trusted the babysitter Tiffany Christ-Griffin to take care of you girls 24-7 as needed to help me get on our feet, I would of still had you girls and I would of not had to be away from you that long. I am so sorry I was young and dumb when I brought you into this world. Time keeps truckin on, and with each passing year we get closer to the day you can come find me, and I am so excited and can't hardly wait to see you girls again. I want to show you the few pictures I have of us and the three videos I have of us that I watch every birthday of each of you girls. I am so excited to know its just around the bend...and I wait so patiently. I still havn't found that form to fill out and get noterized so I can open the communication between me and your new parents...plus just asking for pictures and anything else they wish to share with me...is hard cause I feel I should justify myself in them knowing that I wasn't that bad of a mother, and that I did love you girls dearly, that I wasn't on drugs as they accused me of etc. But I also don't want to write a 10 page essay on the whole thing. So I am kind of torn on writing that request cause I know I shouldn't overwhelm on the first letter just a to the point letter to start and if they want to ask questions they can. I am clearly an open book as I have placed the whole story on the net for the world to read in the hopes that when you girls get old enough you can google your names and find this here blog. Anyway, I hope you have a wonderful eventful (good events) day filled with your loving family and friends surrounding you during your special day. I love you and miss you so very much. I will talk to you later, Sincerely, Rabeka Jo (F) D your Biological mother p.s. tell Rowsheall hi and tell her that I love her too thanks