Dear Rowsheall and Katelyn, I realized something today (cause a friend pointed it out to me) The courts wern't trying to keep you from me it was your dad and since I couldn't protect myself and you from him they had to make me look like a poor excuse for a human being so they could take you from me and HIM but mostly it was only about HIM he was and is a bad guy. He hurt mommy when I was pregnant with you Katelyn and he did some mean things to me Rowsheall before you were in my tummy and while you were in my tummy and after you were born. I put up with it as long as I could to keep you with your Daddy cause you loved him so much but it wasn't worth it. I really hope you understand that there is more to the story than meets the eye. I wasn't able to handle everything happening at the time and I was young and didn't have a clue as to what I was doing. God has his reasons for everything to be the way it is right now and I am finally seeing a little bit deeper reason as to why it all happened the way it did. It wasn't me it was your Dad and that gives me comfort cause that means I am not that bad of a person and I can do the things they didn't think I could and I am starting to turn my life really far around I was turned a bit but now I am really going full force ahead and getting my life in order and working on organizing my heart, mind, body, and house and soon I will be in a great state of mind and I can handle anything (at least I can hope). Ok I just had to share with you my findings today and thoughts for the day. I love you both so very much! I will talk to you later I promise thats my new years resolution is to write to you both more often. Sincerely, Rabeka Jo D (F) DOB 5-80 your loving birthmother

Dear Rowsheall and Katelyn, Happy New Year and Merry Christmas babies...I miss you soooooo much, you probably will get tired of reading this over and over about how much I miss you but I really do...not a moment goes by that I don't think about you both....so many memories surround me in this house...in my head...and in my heart. I hope you got all that you wanted this year from Santa. I hope you think of me as I think of you. I really am going to write to your adoptive parents very soon cause I can't not get pictures of you girls before your grandmother dies. She so wants to see you before she leaves this world. It breaks my heart that I havent done it sooner...I promise the plain message will be in the mail very soon because I want you to be seen and enjoyed by your grandmother I think it would make her day and make her pass more easily. Her melanoma stage 3 has moved into her lungs at this point she is doing chemo and we don't know how well its taking yet but we should know by next week if the chemo is helping enough to convience the doctor that surgery to remove the lymph nodes under her arm is worth it or not. So please be praying for your Grandma Sally she loves you and misses you both as much as I do and thinks about you just as I do. We can't wait to see you again! I love you hope you got to bang pots and pans and put a puzzle together on new years eve and morning. That was our family tradition. We had a good one your brother Jack got scared though when we banged pots and pans he cried. Dylan was so thrilled staying up so late, and Daddy Johnny had fun too. I miss you love you so very much. I will talk to you both later. Sincerely, Rabeka Jo D (F) DOB 5-80 your birth mother