Happy 8TH Birthday Rowsheall!!! I miss you so much! I love you very much! I think about you all the time! I know it don't show on this blog but I really truthfully do. I watched the video of you on your 3RD Birthday party. I got you a bike, remember? And that Robot Dog remember that? And the Doctors kit remember how I wrapped all the pieces into separate wrappings to make it seem like you had more presents than not? I thought at the time the more presents I got you the more you would know I loved you. But in reality when you were opening all those, it was rather overwhelming and I am sorry for that, I just wanted you to feel like you had tons of presents from your mommy who loves you so very much. I really miss you, I can't picture you 8 years old now! Wow you must be getting so big! I hope you had a good birthday today and got all the presents you were wanting. I will be writing to your new mommy and daddy soon so I can at least see pictures of you and your sister Katelyn. If not more, I would love more, but I feel your parents won't think I deserve anything more than pictures. So once I write it will open the door to communication and they can find out that I do deserve more and will allow me to receive more. Maybe even be able to communicate with you when you decide you want to start writing me. I keep seeing girls your age, and think to myself no there is no way you could be that big and that mature! You are still Three years old in my mind, but you have to be that big and mature cause you can't stay 3 forever. I hope you are doing well in school and being nice to your sister and nice family I know God Blessed you with. I hope they are as good as I wish I could have been if I would have won the court hearings, and got the chance to prove that I would be fine if you just came home to me. But that didn't happen and I am sorry that I couldn't fight harder, I really shouldn't say that cause I tried as hard as I possibly could physically try. I hope you do understand when the day comes to share this blog with you. I have some bad news for you not meaning to ruin your birthday, but you should know. Your grandmother Sally F has been diagnosed with Skin cancer stage 3 and also she has Breast cancer again in the same side she had removed. I am not sure if she will be around by the time you do come home to be with me, but I will do my best to keep her strong and fight to see you again. She misses you both so very much! Life has been so very hard here lately and I have had hardly anytime to do much with this blog, and I am so sorry. I will write all the blog entries in your journal I am writing for you and your sister. All that are on here, and all that are on other blogs I am more active on, so you know that I did at least think of you that day cause I noted it in my blog entry. I love you so very much and I hope Grandma is around when you come home finally. I cannot promise anything though, it is in God's hands after all. And we are living in His time not ours. Your brothers are ornery as ever, but getting better. I still have yet to request help from super nanny, so maybe you will see me on that show someday. I just am waiting till I seriously cannot handle it anymore. I do need help, but its hard to get it when everyone is so busy around me. Anyway I hope you had a wonderful Birthday! I miss you! I love you! I can't wait to see you again! Sincerely, Your loving Birth Mother, Rabeka Jo D (dob 5-1980)