Dear Rowsheall and Katelyn, Your new brother Jack Elliott was born Sept. 2005 and was 8lbs 1.5oz and 21 inches long. Your other brother Dylan Jacob doesnt know what to think just like you Rowsheall when I had you Katelyn. I find myself in familiar ground but this time Im trying hard not to relive history and loose these two new additions to my family as I lost you two cause I failed to be strong and fight harder than I could physically stand. I stressed hard when I was fighting for you girls and I fought as hard as I could. Im sorry I couldnt get over everything I had faced all at once within the 15 months that I was allowed to get my life together. I was battling new things while trying to over come the past and it was a very emotional and physically draining time in my life when you two were taken from me. I am so sorry I didnt win. I wish I could go back and change quite a few things. Of course thats why they say that knowing what the out come would be is 20/20...and there aint nothing I can do about it. Im trying hard to write a letter to your adoptive parents right now but I cant get the words right, Im trying not to seem too overwhelming and Im requesting pictures of you girls cause I got the ok from topeka. But like I said finding the right words is hard for me. I want to tell them everything that happened but dont want to overwhelm them with the truth. Truth hurts and I dont want them to feel like they have stolen goods, as you two in my heart I feel are. I really want to get your pictures so I can make scrap books and keep up on everything that has happened and does happen in your lives so I can feel apart of it even only from a distance. I miss you two so very much and wish I could hold you in my arms each waking moment of my life here without you. I hope you can feel the extra squeezes I give your brothers cause those are for you two. I miss you two so very much. Since I started to write this and saved it in drafts I just now am finishing it after your youngest brothers first birthday. Sorry it took me so long to finish it but life got busy...very busy...with Dylan and Jack constantly needing my attention...and me facing so much of the same things as I did with you...I am now more educated than I was back in the day when you were with me. Thats all I needed back then and I got you guys taken from me...no guidance...just up and taken from me. Oh well you probably have a better life than I could have ever given you. I love you girls so much and wish you were with me but in my heart I hope and pray you are in a better place than you would be with me. Everything happens for a reason even though we cant see it in the moment there is always an ending to it all and looking back it will make sense why we had to be apart so long. I love you and think of you often and will continue to think about you and pray for you and love you each and every waking hour of my life. Sincerely, Your loving birth mother, Rabeka Jo D