So my discogram showed my disc in the L5S1 is the cause of all my discomfort I am facing with my leg pain...so they are going in removing the disc replacing space with a plastic mesh that will allow the bones to fuse together and then a metal plate that will be screwed into the top vertebrae and bottom vertebrae...
There are risks with all surgeries and I hope and pray this is the answer I been looking for...and finally find relief without medication dependency to function in my everyday life. I also pray I walk away from the surgery...if not God must have a better plan for me than I had wanted. I'm learning to roll with the punches life swings at me...doesn't mean it doesn't devastated me at first doesn't mean it hurts less...just means I won't go extreme and wish to die anymore especially when life gets hard...it's so easy to get to that point...with each passing failure in my life I find myself headed down that road of despair but I'm getting better...
I have lots of stress from a psycho down my street ATM and I dont need her adding stress to my life...already wasted $300 on an attorney and i couldn't afford that and now have to pay more to continue going into court and her not have her paperwork she needs and the case is dismissed only for her to turn around and file a set aside dismissal and drag me back to court...which I'm facing PTSD symptoms because the horror I faced when l lost you girls... total distraught and devastated washes over me when I see court papers with false accusations on the damn papers... what she is trying to do is get a protection from stalking on me and your brother Dylan claims my actions of telling my children to stay away from her until I researched my involvement with her as a "friend" with me being a mother of two boys and a little girl, what the courts of family protection would say about my involvement with her and her son...confused yet? Well she is a registered sex offender to a 15 year old in 2000 she claims it was a set up to get black mailed but she was prosecuted and has to register as a sex offender for life. She never allowed me to research she suddenly got this pfs on me and Dylan but didn't show to first court date then didn't have proof she missed the first court date for "her son having an episode and having to take him in for emergency mental health care because of all that has happened due to my actions and words...I don't want to lose my family to gain a friend...not worth it to me...now she feels she needs a piece of paper stating our friendship is over...I haven't talked/texted/nothing since first court papers...I'm done with her...she says she doesn't do drama but all she is is gossip and drama...she expects in the end of court $4000 for moving expenses and for me to pay court fees etc...what a joke huh? So I'm stressed...on top of surgery on the 22nd...I'm an emotional train wreck...I hope it blows over soon...I'm about to move out of town and rent and sell the houses and be done with home ownership I'm so over everything falling apart...and having to be the ones to fix it or pay someone to fix it...I hate to see my childhood home...kinda want to stay until you come home so you can see it...since we all lived here with Grandma Sally aunt Jami and me and you two girls...but if this cunt doesn't stop causing me emotionally distress and not to mention a van down the street had a full clip unloaded into it awhile back...I can't get out of here faster...but have so much down sizing to get done so we can move ourselves again since no one volunteers to help...knows we are moving...but no one offers to help...but when we are asked to help move someone we help...idk what we did wrong...don't know why no one is there for us in times of need...and get criticism when asking for financial help to resolve this whole neighbor drama with the attorney fees...(my brother)
Anyway I'm sorry to go off on a tangent about this all...but it's quite upsetting to me.
Anyways,
Mommy Beky loves you girls so much it hurts so deep...I can't imagine losing my kids I have now too...that would destroy me...I wouldn't eat...I would shut down and wait for death cuz I can't go through another round of court order bs that after done wasn't done fast enough and my best wasn't good enough... leaving me to feel like the poorest excuse for a human being...
Love you both! Hope to see you soon!
Sincerely your loving birth mother,
Rabeka Jo (F) D
DOB. 5-1989
